1. Collect all your stuff in a shoebox – the older the better. You want her to spend all her time sorting through your receipts at $Only-Gawd-Knows-How-Much an hour. What do you care if the whole process is inefficient? You’ve got money to burn!
2. Don’t open envelopes containing income tax slips at home; send them to your accountant still sealed. He loves opening your envelopes. He keeps a bowl of lemon juice on his desk for the paper-cuts. And it shows him how much you need him.
3. Send her lots of junk. Aside from the real tax slips from things like RSP contributions, monthly investment account statements and your most recent Notice of Assessment, you should throw in everything else you got just to brighten her day. Who cares if she spends needless hours sorting through your crap because you couldn’t be bothered? Don’t forget a copy of last year’s tax return just in case she’s forgotten she has it on her computer! This is a great opportunity to ship out all your unidentified paperwork.
4. There’s no need to summarize medical expenses or charitable donations. Your accountant has to add up all those individual slips and check to make sure you didn’t double-dip on your company benefits plan anyway. Besides, he’s way faster on the calculator than you are with your fingers!
5. Keep your accountant in the dark about your personal stuff. The birth of a baby, a change in address, marital changes, or the death of a spouse is none of her business. Okay, she may need some of that information, but wait until she’s all through before you tell her that stuff. It’s funny watching her eyes bug out.
6. Never mind figuring out your capital gains and losses on your investments. Your accountant loves staying up late night after night comparing your trades. Besides, messin’ with him at the busiest time of year won’t affect your bill in any way.
7. Never mind asking your kids to download their T2202A tuition forms. Just because they could transfer up to $5,000 of tuition credits to you doesn’t mean you should take the time to gather the paperwork. Maybe do it next year and ask your accountant to fix the prior year while she’s at it. Who cares how much tax you have to pay!
8. Keep your accountant guessing. He loves it when you say things like, “Yeah, I paid my nanny” or “I had more than the $500 fitness amount for the kids.” It’s such a pain in the butt going back and asking for receipts, why bother? The tax man won’t check anyway, right? And if he does, well, your accountant can deal with it – it doesn’t really cost me anything does it?!